We all know what anger is, and we’ve all felt it: whether as a fleeting annoyance or as full-fledged rage.
Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems—problems at work, in your personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your life. And it can make you feel as though you’re at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion.
But. What is Problem?
Problem is a matter or situation regarded as unwelcome or harmful and needing to be dealt with and overcome.
Problem means complication, difficulty, trouble, worry, obstacle, misfortune, dilemma, etc.
What problem can anger cause?
People use a variety of both conscious and unconscious processes to deal with their angry feelings. The three main approaches are expressing, suppressing, and calming. Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive—not aggressive—manner is the healthiest way to express anger.
Anger can be suppressed, and then converted or redirected. This happens when you hold in your anger, stop thinking about it, and focus on something positive. The aim is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into more constructive behavior. The danger in this type of response is that if it isn’t allowed outward expression, your anger can turn inward—on yourself. Anger turned inward may cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression.
Unexpressed anger can create other problems. It can lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behavior (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on) or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile. People who are constantly putting others down, criticizing everything, and making cynical comments haven’t learned how to constructively express their anger. Not surprisingly, they aren’t likely to have many successful relationships.
It’s easy to blame someone (or something) else for your problems. You don’t control everything and the world always finds a way to make your life harder. But here’s the problem with placing blame: it doesn’t fix anything.
Sometimes, your situation is legitimately out of your control. I’ve been in situations where I was hurt by my own relatives in California who treated me like a dog, psychologically impaired, and subject to dating disadvantages. Blame is a useful tool for diagnosing where a problem originates. When it comes to serious offenses, it’s worth finding out who’s at fault and calling it out.
At the same time, blame often leads to anger with no outlet, feelings of hopelessness, or general animosity towards the people around you. This isn’t constructive. Knowing the problem isn’t the same as having the solution.
When I was battling depression and anxiety, there was a lot of blame going around. I blamed my exe’s for not listening to what I had to say, family for not understanding me, friends for not caring enough, and the universe for cursing me with a broken brain. This type of blame wasn’t very useful. In fact, it often resulted in alienating people who were trying to help. The hate and anger had completely controlled over me. My standards and my wall went too high. Eventually, I started to ask myself: “Is this person/thing really to blame for my issues?”
Sometimes the answer to that question was “Yes.”
I wasn’t in a position at the time to call for change. I mean, my anger lasted for 15 years in my life! In my own life, I had to learn that this was the way that blame is most effectively used. If I blame an external entity for my problems but don’t do anything with that information, it will drag me down. However, if I use it to find out the source of a problem and change it, things can get better. Placing blame in the right place is the first step towards making your situation better.
But, now I am 30 years old… I’ve realized, I want to change for a better and live in a positive way of life. I want to be happy for myself and surround myself with happy people.
I’ve also learned that no matter how bad the situation, we can’t change the past. If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.
As we grow older and wiser, we begin to realize what we need and what we need to leave behind. Sometimes walking away is a step forward. The hardest part about growing is letting go of what you were used to, and moving on with something you’re not. You have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn’t mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others.
I know I pushed people away and made a lot of mistakes in the past. But, it’s never too late for a change to something good. Don’t be afraid of change. Change happens for a reason. Roll with it. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it. You’re not the same person you were a year ago, a month ago, or a week ago. You’re always growing. Experiences don’t stop. That’s life.
As I’m writing this blog, all I can think is to laugh at myself. I have a lot of growing to do and lessons to learn every single day. Letting go is hard, adjusting myself is still in progress. What I’m trying to say is… No matter how you live, someone will be disappointed. So just live your truth and be sure YOU aren’t the one who is disappointed in the end. One of the most freeing things we learn in life is that we don’t have to like everyone, everyone doesn’t have to like us, and it’s perfectly OK.
Never force anything. Give it your best shot, and then let it be. If it’s meant to be, it will be. Don’t hold yourself down with things you can’t control.
Don’t let your emotion’s control you. Learn how to control your emotions. You have to understand that people come and people go. That’s life. Stop holding on to those who have let go of you long ago. Sometimes we don’t forgive people because they deserve it. We forgive them because they need it, because we need it, and because we cannot let go and move forward without it.
Everything will fall into place eventually. Until then, learn what you can, laugh often, live for the moments, and know it’s all worthwhile. Every minute of every single day is a new beginning, take a deep breath and have faith in Gods will.
Remember, we need to learn from our mistakes so that we do not run the risk of repeating them. We must develop the wisdom and sense to make good decisions and choices. Good judgment will only develop if you truly learn from your mistakes. Unfortunately, for many people, it takes a few repeats of the same mistake to learn the lesson.
Good or bad, experiences are what help us learn lessons and form a better sense of judgment. Bad judgment seems to stick with us longer as a lesson learned because we really do not want to keep repeating it. Wisdom is the knowledge you can gain from making mistakes.
“Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.”
– Albert Einstein